BACKGROUND

Are you a real Judge?

Yes. Couples have asked me that question. I was first elected as a Washington County Judge on November 4th 1980. I have been a District Judge since 1983 when the County and District Courts were combined. I was reelected as a District Judge, for the Tenth Judicial District, in 1986, 1992, 1998 and 2004. So, if you live in Anoka, Chisago, Isanti, Kanabec, Pine, Sherburne, Washington, or Wright Counties, mark your ballot for Thomas G. Armstrong on Tuesday, November 2nd 2010.

Although I am a District Judge in eight counties, I primarily work in Washington County at the Courthouse in Stillwater. I also hold court in Cottage Grove five weeks a year. In Washington County there are ten judges and we rotate through ten weekly assignments doing everything from felonies, traffic court in Stillwater, juvenile, family, probate, conciliation court, civil trials, the traffic court in Cottage Grove, etc. – all trial level work.

I have done everything from parking tickets to murders. Adoptions and weddings are the only things I get to do where everyone is happy to see me. So I enjoy performing weddings. The tears are all joyful ones.

Can you Marry couples at locations not in your Judicial District?

Yes. A Minnesota District Judge can marry couples in every county in Minnesota. I can’t perform ceremonies in other states.

SERVICES PROVIDED

What do you do?

Help you create your ceremony. Every word is your choice. You can select ceremony wording from my samples, write your own ceremony, get wording from other sources, etc. I take your selections and put everything in my formatting. Then I send it back to you with any questions or comments. You can download a Completed Ceremony Sample by clicking that button on this web page. Designing a ceremony is best done over time, back-and-forth with e-mail, by mail or fax, and by phone. It’s not something that can be done at a meeting.

Perform your ceremony. I will perform your ceremony at a location you select. Click on the References button to see what other couples have to say about my services. For information on Rehearsals see that question below. I charge extra to lead a rehearsal.

Provide advice. You can call or e-mail me anytime with questions. I have performed over 2800 ceremonies and have seen just about everything. I can tell you what problems to watch out for, what works well, and what to avoid. You will have the full benefit of my experience.

Help with the ceremony details. When I arrive I talk to everyone involved in the ceremony – the wedding party, readers, musicians, DJ, etc. I make sure everyone knows what to do and when to do it. I take a very active part in assuring that everyone and everything is ready and that all goes well.

Complete and file your Marriage Certificate. I will complete your Marriage Certificate and get all the necessary signatures. Usually I get the signatures before the ceremony, but sometimes it can be done after the ceremony. I file the original Marriage Certificate with the county where you purchased it. I am required by law to keep the original Marriage License. I send you copies of the Marriage License and the original Marriage Certificate with information about what to do for name changes.

COST

What do you charge?

My basic fee is $250.00. Outside the metro area there may be an additional charge for the distance. For instance my fee for a ceremony performed in Red Wing is $350.00. The boats on Lake Minnetonka are $300.00 because of the distance and the extra time. Rehearsals are an additional $150.00 in the metro area and extra depending on the distance outside the metro area.

DEPOSIT

Do you require a deposit?

Yes. I require a $50.00 deposit to hold the date. This is not refundable. The balance of my fee can be paid at the ceremony or mailed to me before – however you would like.

Do you have a formal contract?

I don’t have a formal contract. Our e-mails, your deposit, and my commitment are the contract. This has always worked well. Click the References button for references from couples I have married.

BUSINESS SUIT OR BLACK ROBE

What do you wear when you perform a ceremony?

I usually wear a dark business suit with a red tie. Years ago I happened to wear a red tie to a ceremony for a Chinese couple. They were very happy because in their tradition red means good luck. Since then I have always worn a red colored tie. You can’t have enough good luck. My wife gives me red ties every Christmas so I have a good selection. I have a black robe and sometimes couples ask that I wear a robe for their ceremony. I once wore a Father Christmas robe, red with white fur, for a wedding at Christmas time. The couple provided the robe.

LOCATIONS

Where do you perform ceremonies?

I perform marriages at any location all over the Twin City area and beyond. Weddings can be held at homes, parks, reception sites, ceremony sites like the Como Conservatory and the Fort Snelling Chapel, excursion boats, bed and breakfasts, restaurants, churches, etc. I have a list with over 200 public sites where I have performed ceremonies.

For small weddings – up to 50 people - I can open the Washington County Courthouse in Stillwater in the evening and on weekends. There is no extra charge for the use of the courthouse.

TIME OF CEREMONIES

When do you perform ceremonies?

I perform ceremonies in the evening, on weekends, holidays, and sometimes on weekdays with enough advance notice so I can take vacation.

Do you need to know an exact time for the ceremony?

Yes. Although I always allow enough time between ceremonies, I may have several booked on a Saturday and a possibly two booked on a Friday evening. It’s important to select a time and to have the ceremony start within a few minutes of the time on the invitation. Guests don’t want to wait. If you change the time contact me immediately.

CEREMONY

What are the legal requirements for a ceremony?

Sometime during the ceremony the Bride and Groom must make a verbal indication that they would like to be married and I then say they are married. All the words are your choice. Rings, etc. are all traditions and all your choice. I have performed a wedding where the couple was unable to speak, but a smile and a nod was enough to convince me they wanted to be married. The Bride’s wedding dress and the Groom’s tuxedo also led me to believe that this was their intention that day.

What do we need to bring to the wedding?

Bring the Marriage License and all the papers and return envelope that came with the license. You also need two witnesses who are at least 16 years old. Every year a few couples forget the marriage license at home. It can be completed by mail after the ceremony, but it’s much easier to do it that day.

Do we get to choose our ceremony?

Yes – every word is your choice. The Ceremony Samples, the Ceremony Library and the Sample Completed Ceremony are just there to help. You can write your own ceremony, get material from any source, change my samples to whatever you like, cut and paste, change the words, etc. The Internet is full of sites that offer help with ceremonies. Just Google “wedding ceremonies” or “marriage ceremonies” and you will have thousands of sites.

I will take whatever you send me and put it into my format. I use my formatting for every wedding because it’s easiest for me if all the headings, spacing, type font and size, etc. are the same. But you don’t have to worry about that. Just send me what you would like in rough form and I’ll format it. If I see a problem – like a Unity Candle outside – I will note it to you and suggest hurricane lamps for each candle. If you forget something – like a Pronouncement or Introduction – I will suggest wording. As long as the minimal legal requirements are met, the ceremony is 100% your choice.

Can the ceremony be religious?

Yes. There are prayers and Bible passages in the Sample Ceremonies and the Ceremony Library. I have performed many ceremonies with prayers, Bible passages and religious references. I have had Christian, Buddhist, Jewish, and civil wording in ceremonies - sometimes all mixed together. You select the wording of your ceremony.

I have also conducted ceremonies with a religious co-officiant. The other officiant was not authorized to perform the ceremony, so I did my part and he did the rest. In one case it was a Catholic Priest. The Groom had been divorced and had not yet obtained an annulment from the Church. The Priest said prayers and I did the marriage. In another ceremony the Groom’s brother was in Divinity School, but was not yet ordained as a Minister. I just did the Vows and the Pronouncement – he did the rest of the ceremony.

When do you need our ceremony selections?

If there is time, it's good to have the ceremony completed a couple of months in advance. You will have many last minute requirements for your wedding and the ceremony wording can be completed early. It’s never too early. I have had ceremonies ready a year in advance.

I have also booked a wedding at 10:30 a.m. on a Tuesday morning, and immediately e-mailed the samples to the Bride. I was at home on vacation that week. She had her selections e-mailed back to me at 11:00 p.m. that evening. I put the ceremony in my formatting by Wednesday morning, got the changes back from the Bride in the afternoon, made the changes, and then performed the ceremony at 6:30 p.m. on Wednesday. So it was 32 hours from the first phone call to the wedding - with a ceremony the couple chose word-for-word.

Although I can get my part done in a hurry, for your sanity get your selections to me as early as possible. You shouldn’t be picking out the ceremony 32 hours before the wedding.

How do we send you our ceremony selections?

E-mail works best, but you can mark up the samples, write your own wording, etc. and mail it to me at 7801 20th Street North, Oakdale, Minnesota 55128 – or fax it to me at 651-773-4850.

MEETING

Will you meet with us?

Yes, if you are going to book me, I can meet with you, but it isn’t required. With over 95% of the ceremonies I perform, I meet the couple for the first time in person at the wedding. Telephone, e-mail, mail and fax are the best ways to prepare the ceremony and exchange information. A phone call can accomplish everything. Selecting a ceremony isn't something that can be done sitting around a table. It's best done over time back-and-forth. Most times phone calls can take care of everything that needs to be discussed. When couples do want to meet in person, I usually meet them on weekends when I am out performing ceremonies. If during weekdays are available for you, I work at the courthouse in Stillwater.

Jeanne and I have three boys, twins aged eleven, and an eight year old. I am away a lot doing weddings so I set up meetings during times I am already going to be away.

Can we line up several officiants for meetings and then let you know if we want to book you?

Click on the References button to read what other couples have to say. I get more calls for weddings than I can perform. I have had as many as four requests for the same time and date. Please interview the other officiants first and then, if you are still uncertain, call me and we can discuss everything. I would be happy to perform your ceremony.

REHEARSALS

Do you lead rehearsals?

Yes, I can lead your rehearsal. When I conduct the rehearsal I charge an additional $150.00 - the extra time involved is like performing two weddings, but you really don't need me to be there. I have done rehearsals for double weddings and when there were some special problems. A rehearsal is a good thing for the wedding party, but I have performed over 2700 weddings and I don’t need a rehearsal. I am the first to walk out and the last to leave.

You should find a friend or relative, who is not in the wedding party to act as a coordinator or personal attendant. You need someone who can act like a Sergeant Major when she needs to get everyone organized and lined up. I have seen a man be the coordinator once, but all other times it was a strong willed woman. We get the ceremony ready in advance based upon your selections. I add lines for instructions. Bride hands her flowers to Maid of Honor. Best Man hands Bride's ring to Groom, etc. The coordinator stands in my place for the rehearsal with the ceremony in hand. She runs through the Processional and Recessional with everyone two or three times.

At the rehearsal, when everyone is up front, the coordinator goes through the movements. Judge Armstrong will say this and then you pass your flowers, etc. There is no need to go through the ceremony word-for-word - just the movements - passing rings, passing flowers, lighting the unity candle, presenting flowers to parents, readers - where they will stand, etc. Once everything is worked out at the rehearsal you have a trained coordinator who knows everyone and can run the ceremony on the day of the wedding. The coordinator would be responsible for the flowers, candles, lining everyone up, giving the word to start, etc. Too often the Bride has these responsibilities and you have to get yourself ready. I will be there early to go over details, talk through the ceremony with everyone who has a part, and get the Marriage Certificate signed in advance.

You can download the Completed Ceremony Sample on the Home Page. If you have questions you can call or e-mail me anytime. I can tell you ten different ways to do each part of the ceremony. I have done five ceremonies with the family dog as the ring bearer. I know all the options for the Processional, Recessional, Unity Candles, etc.

With the written ceremony ready in advance, a strong willed coordinator, and a rehearsal and/or a talk through just before for the wedding party, all will go well.

BACKUP IN CASE OF EMERGENCIES

Do you have backup coverage in case of last minute illness, etc.?

Yes. In 27 years I have never had a last minute problem come up. My health is good and I am rarely sick. I work with five other judges who perform ceremonies and I know more than a dozen in the Twin City area. Many of these judges like to do ceremonies but don’t actively seek weddings. I can find someone to fill in. I have also filled in for other judges on short notice.

UNABLE TO PERFORM THE CEREMONY

What if a conflict comes up for you?

This has happened. My wife’s niece got married at a resort up north in October a few years ago. I already had two other ceremonies booked for that Saturday. There was three months notice and I immediately found other officiants for those two ceremonies. Sometimes I have a conflict come up because of a time change in another wedding, or some other event gets scheduled. It doesn’t happen very often. Once I am booked for a wedding, it’s always my responsibility to find a replacement.

I have had six couples call me a few days before their ceremony because their officiant backed out at the last minute and wasn’t concerned in the least about find a replacement for them. I was able to perform four of the ceremonies and found another judge for the other two.

It’s my responsibility to find a replacement. I will never leave a couple without an officiant.

THEME WEDDINGS

We want to have a (Military, Renaissance, Country Western, 1930s, Surprise, etc.) Wedding.

I have performed all types of weddings. I can help with suggestions. I have detailed experience with the traditions of Military Weddings. My wife and I were married at the Fort Snelling Chapel with all the Military traditions. I have performed ceremonies at the Renaissance Festival and done Renaissance weddings at other locations. Hawaiian themed ceremonies, County Western, with the Bride dressed in blue gingham and everyone wearing cowboy hats, a hot air balloon wedding with the couple in the basket and taking off once the ceremony was over (like the Wizard of Oz) – I left and don’t know when or if they came back for the reception – I’ve almost seen it all. I enjoy performing weddings.

A surprise wedding?

Yes, I have performed four ceremonies where the guests didn’t know it was a wedding until the announcement was made and the ceremony began. I wore a t-shirt and blue jeans to one so no one would be tipped off by my suit and tie. The Bride and Groom momentarily disappeared to change and then reappeared in a bridal gown and tuxedo. I took out my robe from a paper bag and we began the ceremony to cheers and applause.

I also did a surprise wedding at a Halloween party. The bride and groom were dressed as a bride and groom – except he was the bride and she was the groom. Some of the people didn’t have a costume and I came in a suit with my robe in a plain brown paper bag. It was outside in a backyard and we stood on the back deck while the guests, a couple feet below, were told it was a real wedding ceremony. He was the roughest looking bride I ever married – hadn’t shaved in days.

I also did a wedding that was a surprise on the Bride. The couple had purchased the marriage license and hadn’t set a date yet. The Groom and I showed up at her work place on her birthday. It was break time and the Bride, with twenty co-workers, was about to cut her birthday cake. My wife would not have been happy, but the Groom knew his girl and she was delighted. Think of all the planning and expense you could save. The Groom could also save money each year by giving his wife a combined birthday/anniversary present instead of two separate gifts. Don’t try this at home.

RULES FOR PHOTOGRAPHERS

Do you have specials rules for the photographer during ceremonies?

No rules. It’s your wedding. You make the rules. I have heard from many photographers about ceremony officiants who have strict rules and limitations about taking pictures during the ceremony. I have no rules. It’s not my place to set limits on the photographer. Whatever you want is fine with me.

OUTSIDE CEREMONIES

What advice do you have for outside ceremonies?

If possible, have a backup indoor site at the same location. You can then decide inside or outside on the day of the ceremony and the guests come to that location regardless of the weather. If the outside location has no indoor backup, you should have a large canopy - then you know it will work rain or shine. If the day is hot and sunny you also have protection from the sun. I once did a ceremony in a large backyard with a heavy rain falling. The rented chairs were too wet to use so all the guests stood with umbrellas and the Best Man held a large umbrella over the Bride and Groom. There were two large tents, but those had the tables for the reception. It worked. Plan for rain just in case.

What about an outside ceremony with a separate backup location in case of rain?

Having two locations for a ceremony can be an invitation to disaster. I have been involved in weddings where the couple had an outside location and the backup was at the reception site miles away. The invitation said both locations at the same time – one if the weather was good and one if it was raining. What if it's not a sunny day, but overcast with a threat of possible rain – one of those 50-60% chance of rain days? When there is a threat of rain, no one is sure where to go. There is no way to contact the guests.

With one rained out wedding the ceremony started 90 minutes late at the reception site. The invitation only listed the outside site for the ceremony. It had been raining hard all day and the guests went to the outside location - over ten miles away in Eagan. A groomsman had to be stationed there to direct people to the downtown St. Paul reception site.

I booked a wedding in October, which had rain and temperature as potential problems. The string trio wouldn't play if it was wet or below a certain temperature – 60 degrees. The invitation said it was either the Regional Park in Lake Elmo or a downtown St. Paul reception site ten miles apart. It was too complex of an arrangement. The cold weather drove it inside, but many of the guests didn't make it to the ceremony until it was over. You can imagine how happy they were to go to the park, pay a fee to get in, and then find out it was too cold and they had drive to downtown St. Paul.

Keep it simple. Two separate locations on an invitation doesn’t work. A back-up site miles away doesn’t work. Don’t ruin your day with bad planning.

PREMARITAL COUNSELING

Do you do premarital counseling?

I don't do premarital counseling. It's 12 hours of classes that will save $70.00 on your license fee - reducing the fee from $110.00 to $40.00. The cost of the counseling is probably more than that. These web sites should have information on counseling. Twin City Bridal at www.twincitybridal.com and the Wedding Guide at www.mspwedguide.com Also try www.theknot.com and mytwincitieswedding.com for counseling information.

There is a chat room at www.theknot.com where you can ask for information and get advice from other couples. There is also a marital counseling website called Prepare-Enrich at www.prepare-enrich.com that has lists of counselors qualified in their program. That site also has a couple's quiz that you can take which has some thoughtful questions.

Here is the listing for the reduced fee form from the Washington County website.

http://www.co.washington.mn.us/client_files/documents/REC-ReducedMarrFeeEducatorStmt.pdf

The Minnesota Statute for the reduced fee is on page 2 of the form. All counties have a reduced fee form. The county websites are all at www.co.(county's name).mn.us - Just put in the name of the county and once you get to that county's website follow the site to marriage licenses.

More Questions?

E-mail me at Tom@tgarmstrong.com or at tgarmstrong@comcast.net or call me at the Courthouse 651-430-6335 – which has voicemail 24/7 - or at home at 651-773-4092.